For me, using a gestational carrier means that I will grieve never being pregnant again. Me being pregnant likely means a very long 40 weeks which would end in a planned early c-section due to Colette’s birth and therefore a possible NICU stay. While it is amazing to be in a position that we can now see so many possibilities, as opposed to just a few weeks ago when it seemed like our only real option was to close the chapter on kids, it is also terrifying and creates an anxiety of uncertainty.